When the World is Tough, Sometimes it’s OK to Coast at Work
It’s been a heavy few weeks here in the US. Just over a week ago today, Roe vs. Wade was overturned. And while you might be wondering “what on earth does abortion access have to do with career coaching?!”, as a coach who works with a majority of clients who have uteruses, this does indeed feel relevant for me. Because not only have I been feeling the sadness and weight of the last few weeks, but I’ve been hearing the same sentiment from my community as well. This Supreme Court ruling is weighing heavy on their hearts.
As a result, I figured now was as good of a time as any to remind you that there will be ebbs and flows in your capacity for work.
Some days, you’ll be on fire, knocking projects out one by one and feeling unbeatable. Other days, you’ll simply be keeping your head above water and getting the “must haves” completed. Here’s the truth, friend: things happen. Sometimes it’s a legal decision or a school shooting that rocks your world. Others, it’s a personal crisis that you’re facing. Either way, there will be days where working at your 100% capacity simply doesn’t feel possible. And in my personal opinion, that’s OK.
I think this is incredibly important to hear, because if you’re anything like me, you might feel guilty for not being “on”.
Many years ago, I had a lesson on this subject when I lost my mom to ovarian cancer. At that time, I was working at my busy job in advertising, taking on projects left and right. Once my mom died, though, everything came to a screeching halt. I had been pushing through for so long, and suddenly, I simply couldn’t anymore. After taking some time for bereavement, I went back into the office, determined to get things done and be as productive as ever. I quickly realized, though, that that wasn’t in the cards for me.
I went into work each day, focused on completing my most essential tasks and going home. I worked, but only at a baseline level. I sat in our call booth rooms every so often to cry. I took too long at the coffee station… To be honest, I felt like I was simply going through the motions, typing on a keyboard with no spark and no excitement. And it didn’t feel like the “normal” me at all.
I started to feel incredibly guilty about not being more “on” at work. So much so that I spoke with my manager, Emily, in a 1x1 and cried. “I’m so sorry I’m not doing more right now! This isn’t me! You know this!”, I agonized. I felt awful, like I wasn’t pulling my weight.
Lucky for me, though, I had a manager like Emily, who seemingly knew exactly what to say. “Look, not every single day is going to be 100%. You just went through something really big. We understand that, and we’re here to support you in whatever way you need.” The team gave me the option for days off, flexibility to work from home, whatever I needed. What they did not give me, though, was a guilt trip for not “doing more”. In fact, Emily reminded me that my 50% would be someone else's 100% (thanks, overachiever genes!).
What Emily provided me with that day was something I’ll never forget. She gave me permission and support. She provided me with everything I needed to get through that incredibly tough time, and for her kindness and understanding, I’m forever grateful.
Now, I know that not all companies are like that, and I’m so privileged to have worked at an organization that did support me in that way during a challenging time. But the lesson that Emily taught me that day has been forever etched in my heart:
Not all days are 100% days.
Work varies, and assuming that I’ll have the same energy to push things forward each day is unrealistic. I need to give myself permission to go with the flow more, instead of trying to force output, regardless of what’s going on. And I’m guessing, friend, that you might need to hear that reminder too…
High achievement can be a prison of your own making. You get so accustomed to pushing and to being at 110% that you start to think it’s the only option. Anything short of that becomes a failure. And in my experience, that’s simply not true.
Work ebbs and flows, and the more you fight yourself on that, the more that you’ll feel like you’re slowly sinking in quicksand.
So, instead of forcing yourself to be “on” or act “normal” regardless of what’s going on in your life, maybe try giving yourself a little grace. Because I know when I started doing that, everything improved as a result.
P.S. Isn’t Emily the best?! I truly hope you work somewhere that supports this approach, like I did. If not, I think you deserve to. In the meantime, remember to simply do your best. xoxo