Chaos & Control
Sometimes in life, the absolute worst thing possible happens at the worst time. No matter how much we try to plan in advance and control things, sometimes a crisis happens. I was reminded of this lesson in January because our family had some serious personal challenges, so I’m sharing a behind the scenes look…
I was out of office in January on maternity leave, which you likely hardly noticed thanks to my amazing team. My husband and I welcomed our second daughter, Camila, to the family on January 3rd. Things were good! Until they weren’t…
Less than 2 weeks after she arrived home, we were checking into the local children's hospital, where we would stay for a whopping 11 DAYS! Talk about a nightmare.
Camila had caught RSV, a respiratory virus which, I was told by NICU doctors, is “pretty much the worst thing a baby can get”. Great.
We had kept our oldest daughter out of school for the month of January for precisely that reason - to try and limit germ exposure before baby Mila could get shots. Unfortunately for us, we simply had the worst luck ever, and one of our 4 visitors, who all felt fine upon arrival and had been taking health precautions, was unknowingly carrying the virus. As a result, our oldest daughter Rory caught it, and even after several days of all of us masking inside and trying to isolate the baby, Camila ended up catching it too.
When the doctor told me the diagnosis, I was in complete shock. I immediately burst into tears. I had heard horror stories about RSV, which is particularly hard on babies because it generates so much mucus and babies have such narrow airways. I was convinced we were destined for the hospital. “Most babies ride it out just fine at home”, he assured me, but at that point, we were still counting Mila’s age in days, so I wasn’t very reassured. He told me what warning signs to look for in her breathing, and we were on our way.
By 5AM the next morning, Camila and I were checking into the local children’s hospital, being admitted for irregular breathing.
The next 11 days were a blur, including an ambulance ride, 9 days in the NICU, a rotating cast of doctors and nurses, and a lot of tears. Luckily, our girl is a trooper, and she handled her breathing treatments (including a baby CPAP) like a champ.
Adding insult to injury: the day we found out Camila’s RSV diagnosis, my husband was also laid off from his job. He was out on paternity leave, and to say it was a shock is an understatement.
We were in the hazy first few weeks of having a new baby, Jon was laid off, and we had a newborn in the hospital. Talk about high stress.
I’ll spare you the details, but I’m happy to report that Camila is home and doing well. Jon and I now know more about RSV than we’d ever care to, and we feel much more knowledgeable about the warning signs of a sick baby. We’re all starting to come back up for air.
But what does this behind the scenes look mean for you, dear reader? Well, through the entire ordeal, I was reminded of some valuable lessons about control. Mainly that no matter how much control you think you have in a situation, it’s probably an illusion anyways…
We did everything right, keeping our daughter out of school, checking with our very limited group of visitors that they were feeling well, getting people tested for illness…and yet, we still ended up with almost the “worst case scenario” in a medical sense. What awful luck! The entire situation reminded me that even when you try to control everything, there is always potential for a chaotic situation looming just inside of your blind spot. It’s always going to be the thing you didn’t anticipate that catches you off guard!
While that reminder might feel stressful, it comes with good news too: yes, scary things can happen at any point. The other shoe can drop. You can get laid off out of nowhere, or get stuck in the hospital. But in good news, while you can’t predict the future, I’d bet you’re able to rise to the occasion.
That’s exactly what we had to do during our chaotic January. While I wanted to stomp my feet and say, “this is NOT happening!”, I didn’t have that option. I had to rise to the occasion because we needed to take care of the issues at hand. There was no alternative.
As a person with lifelong anxiety, this reminder always makes me feel a bit more at peace. When the world feels chaotic, like wild things could happen at any moment, I remind myself that I’ll deal with them as they come. That always brings me back to solid ground.
P.S. Did you need to hear this? Let me know in the comments.