Do New Year's Resolutions work? Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail (at least for me...)
New Year's Resolutions. Whether you love them, or love to hate them, it’s that time of year where they’re on the top of everyone’s minds!
For me, I’m firmly in the “love to hate them” camp. I used to be on team “love them”, though. Here’s why I switched sides…
I’ve found that New Year’s Resolutions just don’t work for me!
There are 2 reasons why I think that is:
1. They make me so focused on one goal that I sometimes miss other opportunities
New Year’s Resolutions put blinders on me, which means that I can sometimes get so transfixed on my goals that I am not open to any opportunities outside of those goals. “Nope, that wasn’t on my radar!” I say, while passing up something wonderful.
2. They don’t work well with my recovering perfectionist tendencies
Most importantly, New Year's Resolutions don’t work for me because they tap into my perfectionist tendencies. I consider myself a “recovering perfectionist”, and I’ve always struggled with black and white thinking as a result. There is good and not good...so I’d better be good!
Resolutions totally support this black and white way of thinking, which is why I’ve found them to be really damaging for me personally. For me, when I set a specific goal, I get obsessed with completing it. I start it at the beginning of the year with a “clean slate”, and I tend to adopt an all or nothing mentality, ruthlessly pursuing my goal. And while that type of pursuit can have some clear benefits, for me, I’ve found that it’s not particularly great for my mental health to get so locked on to making something happen. If I slip up, I can be really harsh with myself in the pursuit. I think this is the biggest reason why Resolutions don’t work for me! I think I need to be perfect and accomplish something in a really clear way, which doesn’t always spell true, sustainable success.
So, what about you? I’m curious whether you feel the same way about resolutions? Are there any other recovering perfectionists who struggle with them? Let me know in the comments.
If you do decide that New Year’s Resolutions are not the right fit for you, I want to share some ideas on…
What I’ve found DOES work for me
In lieu of reflecting on my year, chastising myself for what I’ve done wrong, and setting goals for how to be “better”, I like to focus on constant growth and ever-evolving goals. That doesn’t mean I don’t like using the new year as a demarcation, though! Here’s what I do instead: I sit down, reflect on the year, and then set a “theme” for the coming year.
Here are the reflection questions I ask myself at the end of each year:
What was a definite “yes” for me this year? Where was my time well spent? What felt really great?
What wasn’t worth it this year? Where was I spending time that I probably didn’t need to?
What are 10 things I am proud of from this year?
How did I do in my pursuit of last year’s theme?
What are my biggest lessons from this year?
What would make the coming year awesome? How would I want to feel?
What would I need to do in order to make it so? What kind of things would I need to be focused on / what type of things would I need to do?
What is my theme for the coming year, as a result?
That’s it. I sit and reflect, looking back on my year, where I spent my time, and what I want to do more of. Based on all of that reflection, I then pull together my theme for the coming year, and make it my goal to move towards that! In 2020 my theme word was “Embrace” and in 2021 my theme word was “Intentional”. Every big choice I made within the year, I asked myself whether it aligned with my overall goal and theme. Simple, huh?
Personally, I’ve found that giving myself a broader theme and direction, opposed to specific measurable outcomes, leads to more success. It works much better for me, and helps me avoid black and white thinking (which is always a good thing).
So… are you going to try it? If so, I’d love to hear from you! Shoot me a note and send over your theme for the year so I can cheer you on.
