How High Achievers Can Overcome the Ego Bruise of Having to Learn in a New Role
Starting a new job is hard! It’s such a steep learning curve, and in my experience, while this curve can be tough for everyone, it’s particularly challenging for high achievers.
There’s a unique experience that many high achievers face: wanting to learn more and take on a new role so that they can uplevel, while simultaneously being unwilling to do so. As a result, once they’ve outgrown a role, they agonize, trapped in between their desire for a new opportunity and their fear of “starting over”. If they’re not immediately perfect at something, they don’t want to do it, so the discomfort of a learning curve can feel like too much! In fact, sometimes it even sends these high achievers back to an old job after making a change because they miss the comfort of everything they know.
Sound familiar, anyone?!
Why this typically happens:
In my experience, there are a couple of main reasons behind this catch 22.
Many high achievers have made a name for themselves as the “go to” on their team. They love feeling like they’re the capable one, and being the teammate that people come to for support. As a result, they’ve adopted this “expert” persona as part of their identity, and they’re unwilling to give it up.
The logic goes like this: “Knowing everything is my whole brand! Who would I be if I had to start somewhere new and **gasp** not know how to do something?!” Being the newbie can be hard, especially if you’ve always felt competent and capable at work.
As a result, as much as they want to make a change and start a new job, their ego won’t let them because it would be whittling away at the confidence that they’ve drawn from being the go-to expert. It’s an entire self-worth identity crisis!In that same vein, high achievers, while completely capable employees and huge assets to a team, can be some of the most insecure workers in my experience. For a lot of these folks, they’re scared that delivering anything less than 100% in a role means that they’ve failed, and are in line for an immediate firing.
Obviously this is an issue, and would contribute to high achiever’s hesitancy to change roles. When folks feel insecure about their position at work and develop an overwhelming need to “prove” themselves all of the time, they refuse to put themselves in a situation in which they will learn because it’s seen as a direct threat to their job security. As a result, they stay for longer than they should to protect themselves.
What to do:
While this can feel like a challenging issue to combat, I do want to share some tips that have helped me with this hesitancy in my own life, and that I’ve seen help support clients.
First and foremost, the most important thing for me when it came to this challenge at work was doing the inner self-worth work and dealing with my need to “prove” myself all of the time. Where had it come from? Why had I kept it around so long? I had to investigate why I felt these pressures if I ever wanted to move through them. In my opinion, digging into this “head trash” is the most essential place to start.
Beyond that, here are a few reminders I told myself at the beginning when I was undeniably struggling with the fear of learning:
Learning isn’t an attack on my ability at work, but instead a requirement to develop it.
I had to reframe the way I thought about learning so that it was no longer a personal attack on my abilities, exposing every weakness I had. Part of that was thinking of learning as a requirement to my growth, not an attack on my existing skills.
A lot of this shift in mindset was rooted in shifting to a growth mindset, which I learned more about through the work of Dr. Carol Dweck.I am more than what I produce at work, and the treadmill of trying to collect ‘gold stars’ to prove myself is exhausting.
Critically considering this “need to prove” and investigating where it came from was essential for me. The more I realized that the endless treadmill of collecting accolades and trying to prove myself was a never-ending battle, the more I started to distance myself from that approach. As I grew my own self-worth and internal confidence, this undoubtedly improved.Comfort is not a good reason to avoid something.
While this harkens back to my earlier points, I think this reminder deserves space in its own right. To me, it was important to remember that comfort isn’t a great reason to stay somewhere. It’s more like a nice cozy trap than a true benefit, and it leads to apathy and dissatisfaction long-term.
So, what do you think? Do you struggle with discomfort when it’s time to learn something new? Do you sometimes see growth opportunities as a danger instead of a gift? Tell me in the comments below. If so, you might be struggling with this all too common problem. ;)
But don’t worry, friend, it’s possible to get more comfortable with growth again. Mostly it’s about fostering your internal self-worth and ripping the bandaid of learning. Over time, at least in my experience, it gets easier. And remember: learning is not a personal attack. It’s a gift, and your ego will be able to make it through until you’re an “expert” again, even if it does get a little bruised in the process.
P.S. If you need help with developing your self-worth and confidence at work and you want to investigate the “head trash” that’s holding you back, I’m here to help! Apply here for a free call to dig in and see if working together would be a good fit.